Man Hairs

So… a couple days ago, I was in the old city of Hoi An for a fitting at one of the tailors. As Jeff and I walked to the tailor shop, a woman kept hard selling me on getting my face stringed (Google it). I kept telling her no, but she followed us to the shop and waited until I reappeared (this is not uncommon here), then pounced on me to close the deal. 

She stood there invading my space and explaining with great earnestness how removing those man hairs from my chin would make me look 10 years younger, and “the hair never grow back!” Well, it just happens that before we left MN, I noticed a disturbing crop of chin hairs (apparently one of those fun little things about growing older that you never think about until you’re peering at yourself in a mirror and wondering where the hell those came from) and thought to myself I should do something about it. So the two of us stood in the street negotiating,  and upon reaching a deal, she clamped on to my wrist and began dragging me through the market until we got to her shop. 

There was a second woman in there all stringed up and ready to have a go at me. I was barely sat down when she started in on my upper lip. Oh. My. Gosh. That stings! The string pulls each hair out by the root and they work that string so fast that it's a non-stop bee sting. So as she's working my face, my saleswoman pushes up my pant leg and starts stringing my leg. I kept saying I wasn't going to give her anymore money than we had agreed upon, so if she kept at my legs, that was going to be her gift to me. She would take my hand and make me feel how soft, how nice, no hair, never grow back. Uh huh. No deal. 

She also offered to string a few more personal parts, and I said no way. She said why and I told her I knew that once I had my pants off, I would lose any bargaining power I had. So now my face feels weirdly smooth and my upper lip embarrassingly nude. I know the “never grow back pitch” is a load of happy crap, so I should have my old face back by the time we get home. It's still winter there. I need hair on my face.

P.S. You will not mistake me for someone 10 years younger the next time you see me.